Written in the Language of Their People

April 07, 2025

Like every generation before them, today's young people have created their own language. If you've had a conversation with any teenagers lately, you have likely heard them use words and phrases in altogether new ways, and sometimes requiring a Google search to translate.

In my work as a FaCS (Family and Consumer Science, formerly known as Home Economics) teacher, I write all sorts of recipes for my students to prepare in class. I have attempted to write it in today's slang. If I wanted to make it truly authentic, I would remove all capitalization and punctuation, but I simply can't bring myself to take it that far.

The following recipe will make positively scrumptious sugar cookies, the best I've ever found. They stay soft for several days and never dry out, so give them a try. Bring a teenager along if you need help translating :-)

Sigma Sugar Cookies

INGREDIENTS:

½ c butter, softened

¾ c sugar

1 egg

1 ½ c flour

1 tsp cream of tartar

½ tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

*Topping: 3 Tbsp sugar

DIRECTIONS:

Bruh, it would be straight facts if you would start out by preheating the oven to 375 degrees.
Line two cookie sheets with parchment paper. Make sure your BFF doesn’t use wax paper. That would be so skibidi.
In a large mixing bowl, cream butter, sugar and egg with an electric mixer until it is a whole vibe.
In a medium mixing bowl, you are finna add flour, baking soda, salt and cream of tartar and mix well with a fork.
Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients a little at a time, mixing well. Dough will be vv thicc, and that is no cap.
In a small mixing bowl, add 3 Tbsp sugar. This is what makes your cookies slay all day. They might even be gas. If you want to give your cookies a glow up and turn them into snickerdoodles, add 1 tsp cinnamon and stir into sugar with a fork. They will hit different, FRFR!
Be very mindful, very demure to use the cookie scoop to scoop the dough into balls about the size of a ping-pong ball and roll in sugar.
The sickest flex would be to place balls of dough 2 inches apart on a cookie sheet (12 per pan).
For your cookies to be truly gucci and built different, bake for approximately 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned on the edges. Trade shelves halfway through cooking time. Cookies will be soft, so don’t crash out or be shook - be careful when moving to the cooling rack with a turner.
After cookies have cooled, serve even portions of these to your group using a turner. They will be immaculate, lit and so fire. Probably even bussin’ bussin’. IYKYK.